I have been told and sold a ton of BS in my years: 24-48 hour deodorant, easy care fish tanks, and non-adult acne are the ones that I will tackle this week. Leave me more ideas. I feel this could be a reoccurring entry.
First, 24 hour deodorant? Maybe if you’re bedridden. And as I write this I am reminded that last week I saw an even more bogus claim of 48 hour deodorant. I can’t remember the name, but it was at Walgreens. I did a quick internet search and it was Dove. Hold the phone! Why were showers invented if stink management was this easy? My deodorant lasts an average of how long I take to get sweaty. Seriously. This can be 15 minutes working it on the stair master or an hour of soccer. When it’s over I stink. I’ve tried different sorts: antiperspirant, happy hippie salt crystals, making my own out of coconut oil, starch, and essential oils, nothing, and just plain old deodorant. It doesn’t work. Actually maybe it does a bit. Maybe I would actually smell worse if I didn’t use it. That is a terrible thought.
People also say that fish are easy to care for. Lie. These people do not have aquariums. Fish are beautiful and so fun to watch, but they are not easy! We have a 25 gallon freshwater tank here and have killed more fish than I care to mention. I believe we currently have roughly 10 tetras, 2 catfish and a dwarf plecostomus, dubbed Placido because they way he attaches to the glass makes him look like an opera singer. Get it? We set out buckets of water days in advance of a cleaning. They have to be set in the glassed in shower or the cat will play in them (trust me that is a whole other show because they aren’t easy to care for either). We add treatment and then change 25%-35% of the water every few weeks. You can’t change all the water at once or the fish will die. You can’t overfeed or underfeed the fish or they will die. You can’t keep them too warm or too cold or they will die. Fun fact: fish do not always float when dead. Sometimes there are random algae blooms that drive me to sites like aquariumblogger.com or some such nonsense and random aquarium message boards. Fish are hard.
Acne is only for teenagers. Who made this up? I had a breakout a few weeks ago. I wash my face, I try not to touch it, and I don’t even pick at those festering zits that I really want to and I still break out. I guess life is just not fair.