Are you wearing the right shoes?

The answer is probably not.  And that is ok. I  have a shoe thing. I had up to 45 pairs at one point (which really isn’t that many, just sayin’). Now I have a much more reasonable number, but I still have a shoe thing.

It makes me absolutely bonkers when people tell me that they can’t run because their knees hurt and you look down at their 20 year old beat up kicks.  I couldn’t run in those either! My knees would hurt too! Those shoes are old.  If you’d like to read about when to give up your running shoes you can check out http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/18/when-to-retire-a-running-shoe/?_r=0 but rest assured it’s way sooner than you think.

All I want is for people to think just like me all the time and apparently this is too much to ask. But here are some helpful guidelines regarding shoes.

In addition to wearing shoes for eons too long, it bothers me when people wear the wrong shoes for the activity.  Don’t wear stilettos to an outdoor summer wedding.  Hello? Wedges, sandals, and flats are made for this express purpose (so that you don’t sink into the grass).  And please don’t wear your humongo running shoes to lift weights.  Your whole body is being pushed forward and is poised for running.  This is what makes them running shoes. It makes it hard to sit back on your heels and do a proper squat if you are also being pushed forward.  I would imagine this puts extra pressure on your knees. Wear soccer cleats or turf shoes to play soccer or you will fall on your ass.  Wear boots in the winter so your feet don’t get cold and you don’t slip on the ice and fall down. Not those silly fashion boots.  Actual not-cute-I-don’t-want-to-die-in-a-snow-drift-if-I-get-lost-walking-the-dog-boots.  Wear heels when you dress up.  If that short guy you are with has a complex about it, then that is his problem. Don’t make it yours (which is a good motto for life in general).  Heels are hot.  Some events require hotness.  Wear sandals in the summer WITHOUT socks.  Wear comfortable shoes if you’re going to be standing around a bunch. Unless it’s an event requiring hotness then see previous statement about heels. Wear slip on shoes if you’re going to the airport. You can thank me for this travel tip later. Crocks and flip flops are for home use only or for the beach or nasty public showers.

While I’m at it please buy the right size. Your feet will thank you and you aren’t fooling anyone when your toes are hanging off the front edge of those cute sandals that were on sale. I know the pain of finding cute shoes that aren’t in your size. You will survive. I’m worn a size 11 since I was 11. Nothing ever comes in my size. Plus if your running shoes are too small your toenails will turn black and fall off.  This might happen anyway. It’s the price you pay for greatness.

However, you also need to realize that all this comes from a woman who wears one pair of chaco sandals all summer long.  All summer.  I get the Z pattern tanned on my feet and everything.  Because Chacos are appropriate for everything as well as machine washable.

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